The Beast Within!
A mouse ventured into my house…wow, it seamed like it has come the right way, but was a little confused with the terrain. Hey,its the same mouse that I had caught from the kitchen (so what I thought) & let it out in the fields, but it has managed to find its way back. Surprise & anger filled me as I got determined, not to let go back into the kitchen. So I closed the door of the living room & trapped it in there. Then I took My sisters sandal & hit it with it, despite my sisters repeated request of not hurting it.
Ohhhh…..What did I do? I helplessly watched on……..It repetitively kicked it’s feet as its lungs desperately gasped for last breath of air, & finally succumbed to it. Ohhh….NO! Ohhh…My Goodness! What did I do? I never meant to do that. I lifted up its body & thought it might have fainted. But the amount of blood that has flowed out from its mouth & the cold body had signaled it pretty clearly, I am a bloody killer. I looked into its deep dark eyes that were still searching the way to kitchen. The mouse’s wish for a better life was ruthlessly ended…by what write did I do that? Questions & sorrow filled my Heart & Mind.
What is that, that made me raise my hand, when I at the first place didn’t wanted to kill it? What is that, that made me kill it, ignoring my sister’s repeated request to not to? What is that, that took over me, when at the first time I let it to the fields so as to get ride of it from my kitchen?……..What is that?
………Its the killer Instinct. Yes, the instinct to kill that runs through my veins. I may have covered my face with the mask pretend to be civilize & social, but I am still a beast Within!
But the question still remains….if I am a cold blooded killer then why is that it hurts me when I kill others? Well may be the answer lies with the society where I leave in. We are taught to respect all life form, be it a human or a small creature as mouse. But I stand in between. I have still not civilized enough! May be its the reason why the beast within takes over me! I got a long way to go. Its only the period of transition & I will have to undergo such situations (of suppressing my instincts (thats hurts equally) or to let it take over & get hurt for the crime that I commit against other) till the morphing is over. But again ‘Change is the most constant things in this world!’ ………….dose that mean?…..hurts. All the time that we are undergoing change, Pain will be quick to follow us as a shadow!
Hard to accept….but may be Pain its a truth as the mouse I killed, or the Life we live is!
Nicely written…
What you did was instinctive?
Strange! But would you have felt a similar feeling of regret if it were a cockroach or a mosquito you had killed or smashed with the slap of a wrist of the flick of a sandal.
Think about it?
I like your blog….will definitely come back to read more
Comment by The Hissing Saint — September 30, 2005 @ 7:30 am
Where I come from we have this legend/theory that mice and rats are quite intelligent. So if I just caught one and let it loose in the field it is sure to come back. Especially if it has a nest in my house. So maybe that is why it came back.
Nice post though.
Comment by Siyah — October 24, 2005 @ 8:26 am
Do I know you? Do you know me? Have we ever talked before?
My memory cannot be relied upon and maybe that is the reason I am asking you all this…
Did you chance upon my blog?
Please forgive me : I am not accepting your invitation just now. We need to talk.
Comment by The Nameless One — November 25, 2005 @ 7:03 am
Hello. Prompt how to get acquainted with the girl it to me to like. But does not know about it
I have read through one history
Each of you has your personal story; it is your history. Keeping a diary or writing your feelings in a special notebook is a wonderful way to learn how to think and write about who you are — to develop your own identity and voice.
People of all ages are able to do this. Your own history is special because of your circumstances: your cultural, racial, religious or ethnic background. Your story is also part of human history, a part of the story of the dignity and worth of all human beings. By putting opinions and thoughts into words, you, too, can give voice to your inner self and strivings.
A long entry by Anne Frank on April 5, 1944, written after more than a year and a half of hiding from the Nazis, describes the range of emotions 14-year-old Anne is experiencing:
“. . . but the moment I was alone I knew I was going to cry my eyes out. I slid to the floor in my nightgown and began by saying my prayers, very fervently. Then I drew my knees to my chest, lay my head on my arms and cried, all huddled up on the bare floor. A loud sob brought me back down to earth, and I choked back my tears, since I didn’t want anyone next door to hear me . . .
“And now it’s really over. I finally realized that I must do my school work to keep from being ignorant, to get on in life, to become a journalist, because that’s what I want! I know I can write. A few of my stories are good, my descriptions of the Secret Annex are humorous, much of my diary is vivid and alive, but . . . it remains to be seen whether I really have talent . . .
“When I write I can shake off all my cares. My sorrow disappears, my spirits are revived! But, and that’s a big question, will I ever be able to write something great, will I ever become a journalist or a writer? I hope so, oh, I hope so very much, because writing allows me to record everything, all my thoughts, ideals and fantasies.
“I haven’t worked on Cady’s Life for ages. In my mind I’ve worked out exactly what happens next, but the story doesn’t seem to be coming along very well. I might never finish it, and it’ll wind up in the wastepaper basket or the stove. That’s a horrible thought, but then I say to myself, “At the age of 14 and with so little experience, you can’t write about philosophy.’ So onward and upward, with renewed spirits. It’ll all work out, because I’m determined to write! Yours, Anne M. Frank
For those of you interested in reading some of Anne Frank’s first stories and essays, including a version of Cady’s Life, see Tales From the Secret Annex (Doubleday, 1996). Next: Reviewing and revising your writing
Comment by Anonymous — December 10, 2005 @ 1:47 am
Update reqd…. comeback to the dark side…
Comment by QwertyTheManiac — April 1, 2006 @ 6:05 am
their are a few spellin mistakes my dear frnd. u plz. rectifu them.
Otherwise the paragraph n ur encounter was nice 1.u really discovered the beast within.dat beast which lurks inside every civilized human being of dis modern world.human being needs 2 control it.
Comment by happy — January 9, 2007 @ 12:47 pm