A mouse ventured into my house…wow, it seamed like it has come the right way, but was a little confused with the terrain. Hey,its the same mouse that I had caught from the kitchen (so what I thought) & let it out in the fields, but it has managed to find its way back. Surprise & anger filled me as I got determined, not to let go back into the kitchen. So I closed the door of the living room & trapped it in there. Then I took My sisters sandal & hit it with it, despite my sisters repeated request of not hurting it.

Ohhhh…..What did I do? I helplessly watched on……..It repetitively kicked it’s feet as its lungs desperately gasped for last breath of air, & finally succumbed to it. Ohhh….NO! Ohhh…My Goodness! What did I do? I never meant to do that. I lifted up its body & thought it might have fainted. But the amount of blood that has flowed out from its mouth & the cold body had signaled it pretty clearly, I am a bloody killer. I looked into its deep dark eyes that were still searching the way to kitchen. The mouse’s wish for a better life was ruthlessly ended…by what write did I do that? Questions & sorrow filled my Heart & Mind.

What is that, that made me raise my hand, when I at the first place didn’t wanted to kill it? What is that, that made me kill it, ignoring my sister’s repeated request to not to? What is that, that took over me, when at the first time I let it to the fields so as to get ride of it from my kitchen?……..What is that?

………Its the killer Instinct. Yes, the instinct to kill that runs through my veins. I may have covered my face with the mask pretend to be civilize & social, but I am still a beast Within!

But the question still remains….if I am a cold blooded killer then why is that it hurts me when I kill others? Well may be the answer lies with the society where I leave in. We are taught to respect all life form, be it a human or a small creature as mouse. But I stand in between. I have still not civilized enough! May be its the reason why the beast within takes over me! I got a long way to go. Its only the period of transition & I will have to undergo such situations (of suppressing my instincts (thats hurts equally) or to let it take over & get hurt for the crime that I commit against other) till the morphing is over. But again ‘Change is the most constant things in this world!’ ………….dose that mean?…..hurts. All the time that we are undergoing change, Pain will be quick to follow us as a shadow!

Hard to accept….but may be Pain its a truth as the mouse I killed, or the Life we live is!

Yes…..I dream of Sun, Under the Moonlit Night!

Sounds Strange, funny, & utterly confusing. Yea it may sometime can be if we move away from the reality & get complicated in the complex world & still expect, if, it would come my way (ehe..dont want to wake up)…complex it is & should be, millions of life trying to shape thing up & perciving them all from one’s point of view is a real complicated task. But I don’t want to do that, all I want is, make my life simple & not think of the world as a whole. But again I am forced to cuz we all are related, bonded in the complex chain of relatonship that no one supposively can break or escape.

So I laydown my complicated nucence as it may sound & gat back to reality. I need to be practical while tackling petite problems that make a whole lot of difference into any ones life & perticularly my. I want the norms to disappear so that I can walk down the lane without looking back or any regrets. I want the law to be framed in my way or the law be so as to protect me from every thing evil in the society. But hey that not practical…so what is that I want? Is it that, I am a dreamer who lives in reality but spend most of the time in dreams of things it would be like or I could do..If I only could. Yea that is it. It provides me a false reassurance, but provides enough confidence to put forth my next step & bring in all shorts of complixity to life.

C’est La Vie….Its the dream, the dream of somthing better, that may never come my way. Its the drug that I inject every day to face the complicated nucence or bitter reality of life!

The sun for me may never shine, but it does shines every night!

I woke up to a beautiful morning…………its Morning just as with how every day starts.
A fresh new day….but why do I feel do bad, what is that….a paranoia at back of my head.
aaah….Its was the dream, the dream bout a school that I left five years ago!
Why was that I had dreaming bout it & why is it calling me back again….
The desperate cry of tortured innocent soul, the constant stress of being something of what i was not & why is it that I had to tolerate… “Spar the stick, Spoil the Child” & yet say nothing cuz I really didn’t had the liberty….. why was that my teacher tortured me & to learn what they teach & teach is what the nuance they all did!

I can still remember of being caned for stating the color of gold being golden…I wonder what’s the shape of earth, if its not spherical? is it at all worth undergoing a whole day torture to know the shape of the thing I stand on?

Why Why Why…..Is that those bloody teacher dictated my life…… who even didn’t had a sense of what they are dealing with are human being with feeling & emotions. Why is that they be the one who made the rules & that,it really didn’t matter what we felt or said.
Why is that I was not given the liberty to express…..cuz was it that I was a minor? And minors have no say cuz they don’t have the brain…..& experience to & feeling of & a LIFE?

Yes……………….Its calling me!
Cuz I can feel the pain that parents & teachers failed to feel in them & may be because no one is really bothered bout what they had left in there past!

The nightmare is over for me(or is it)…….
But Teachers…….
Before you raise the stick again…take a look at those innocent eyes & ask to yourself,
Have U earned the right of what you are just trying to……….

Are you worth a teacher??………Are You?